Blame It on the Alcohol
by purrpickle
Summary: Berrittana. Rachel's drunk too much, Brittany wants to play hero, and Santana gets roped in to help. But that doesn't explain how the three of them end up in the shower together, now does it?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **I do not own Glee nor the characters within. While watching 2x14, I turned it off about twenty minutes in because I got the idea for this story. So I have no idea what happened in the end of the episode. XD Anyways, I've been interested in writing a Berrittana (Santana/Rachel/Brittany) fic for a while, and so this is my first attempt. I'm thinking this'll be a two-shot, possibly three, but who knows. Also, I just got done typing this up, so it's not as obsessed over as some of my other work. Hopefully it still passes muster. Let me know if it works. *smile* Hope you enjoy~

* * *

"Uhm, guys, Rachel's not looking so hot…"

Taking in Brittany's worried expression, Santana shot a look over to where Rachel was sitting in the corner of the room (like, _literally _the corner – she had somehow managed to wedge herself between the admittedly sharp angled walls), slumped forward and seemingly engrossed with staring at her hands in her lap. Rolling her eyes, Santana took a sip of her whiskey. "She looks fine to me. Probably thinks her hands are some musical instruments or something."

Brittany frowned at her. "San, no, really. She doesn't look good."

"Then why don't you go over there and check already? Stop yappin' to me about it." Making an annoyed sound, Santana turned back to watching the impromptu game of beer pong Mike and Puck had started. She didn't _mean _to be so short with Britts, but why should she care about the midget?

"Fine. I will." Pushing herself up, the tall blonde made her way over to Rachel. Santana watched with an unsettled feeling in her stomach that she tried to convince herself didn't mean anything, dammit.

The look on Brittany's face was rapidly going from concern to worry to gentleness and back to concern. Then Rachel suddenly fell forward on Brittany with a tight hug, and Santana couldn't see the blonde's face anymore. "What the hell is going on?" she muttered.

"What? Did'ja say somethin'?" Mercedes slurred next to her. Except for the nudge the larger girl gave Santana's side, it would have seemed she had been addressing her cup.

Giving her a cross look, Santana shook her head. "Nothing. I'll be back." Struggling to her feet and weaving a little as she straightened – apparently, she had drunk more than she had thought she had, and that was _not_ cool – she made her way over to Brittany and Rachel. As she got closer, what had looked like an embrace was actually Brittany trying to pull Rachel up by wrapping her arms around her sternum. The small brunette wasn't helping things, as her legs didn't appear to be working.

"What the hell?" Santana frowned, catching Brittany's attention.

"S! Oh, good. Here, help me."

"Why should I – "

Rachel suddenly groaned, bursting into tears into the side of Brittany's neck.

"Oh good lord. Here." Looking around for a safe place to stash her drink – she did _not _want Puck finding it and spiking it with even _more _alcohol – she finally hid it behind a vase on the shelf to her left. Then, dropping to her knees, Santana maneuvered around to Brittany's side. Seriously, how much of a pussy was she, helping out a stupid dwarf who couldn't hold her liquor? "Okay, pull her, and I'll push, and – "

But Brittany apparently had her own idea, because while she did pull Rachel away from the corner, she then pushed her into Santana. Catching Rachel around the waist, the smaller girl's face smashed into her neck and collarbone, and surprisingly strong arms wrapped tightly around her neck. Rachel burst into tears again. "God dammit, B! If she stains my shirt, I am _going _to throw a fit of my own!"

"I'm, I'm su-sorry," Rachel sobbed, "Buh-but I don't really kn-know why I'm… Why I'm acting _this way_." She dissolved into tears again, soaking Santana's skin.

"You're drunk, Rachel." Patting Rachel's shoulder, Brittany looked at Santana, eyes beseeching Santana not to get angry, "C'mon, S. Let's take her to the bathroom."

"C'mon _what_? I'm kinda _stuck _here with Rachel's fat ass _weighing me down_."

Rachel started crying harder. "I'm – I'm not _fat_."

It felt like Rachel had opened her tear ducts as far as they could go, and was she _drooling_? God! Why had she even _bothered _coming over when all she got was a snotty mess? "Whatever you say, princess," she muttered angrily. Gritting her teeth, Santana moved her knee in a way she probably wasn't supposed to so she could get one foot under her and push the both of them up. Staggering a bit and banging her shoulder into the wall as she overbalanced, Santana had to lean back a bit to counter Rachel's weight pressing into her. Seriously, why hadn't _Brittany _done this? And – fuck! Really? Where in the hell had Brittany disappeared to?

"…and I follow a s-strict regimen of exer-exercise every mo-morning…"

Great. Rachel was still muttering into her neck. Her arms had tightened around Santana, and her legs threatened to trip her up, tangled as they were with her own. Uncomfortably feeling Rachel's pelvis pressing into hers, Santana decided that needed to be fixed, _right away_.

Looking around to see if anyone was paying enough attention to them so she could get their help (or better yet, pawn Rachel off on them altogether), the music too loud to try shouting, Santana finally saw Brittany beckoning to her from the door of what was probably the bathroom she seemed so keen on getting Rachel to. Growling, Santana glared at her, then forced her alcohol-messed muscles to listen to her once again. Without preamble, she moved one of her arms down Rachel's waist and swept her legs up. "Fuckin' bridal style, you don't deserve this," she hissed into Rachel's ear, enjoying the squeak that had followed the move.

Fortunately, Rachel didn't weigh as much as she had previously inferred, and only stumbling a little and stopping once to snap at Rachel to "…_not _strangle me, woman!" Santana made it to the bathroom. Hot, humid air immediately hit her, and as Brittany shut the door after them, Santana realized that the blonde had turned on the shower. "…The fuck?" she muttered, dropping Rachel unceremoniously onto the toilet (it was only luck that the lid had been closed, and frankly, Santana wouldn't have thought anything of dropping the girl onto an open toilet anyway).

Crossing her arms, Santana glared at Brittany. "Yo, B, that was not cool. Leavin' me with Man Hands? What the hell?"

Brittany smiled at her. "I knew you'd be able to handle it." Squeezing Santana's hand as she moved past her, the tall blonde knelt in front of Rachel. "Alright, Rachel, lift your feet."

"Wha…?" Rachel had flopped her head back against the tank of the toilet, staring up at the ceiling. With disgust, Santana realized she wasn't crying anymore. What? She used up all her mucus on Santana's neck? Reminded, she grabbed the nearest towel and started furiously wiping her skin.

Looking at herself from all angles in the mirror and satisfied that she had done the most she could, Santana looked over to see what Brittany was doing. Having barely paid attention to the sounds of the two girls and the shower spray, she almost lost her balance at what she saw, slamming her palm down onto the counter to catch herself.

Brittany had apparently stripped off Rachel's shoes and socks, the brunette in the process of clumsily kicking off her jeans as Brittany's long fingers were making short work of the buttons on Rachel's blouse. As the last button was released and the white fabric slid off Rachel's shoulders, a filled deep blue bra and matching boy shorts were all that was left on a surprisingly fit body. When Brittany leaned forward to reach behind Rachel's back, her nose brushing against Rachel's cheek as the girl leaned forward in almost mindless mimicry, Santana found herself able to move again.

"Jesus, B!" she cried out, jumping forward, "I don't want to see Stubbles' treasure trai… Well, damn." Standing over Brittany as she leaned back to remove the blue bra completely, Santana had an unobstructed view of Rachel's upper body, the smaller girl having once again flopped back. Taking in smooth skin and pert breasts, pink nipples and absolutely no treasure trail, Santana had to bite the inside of her cheek to remind herself who it was she was looking at.

"Alright, sweetie, one more," Brittany murmured, hooking her fingers into the waistband of the deep blue boy shorts. Totally unconcerned about her nakedness (or maybe unaware of it), Rachel canted her hips up.

It was the moisture in the air that made it suddenly hard for Santana to breathe, she told herself as the underwear joined the pile of Rachel's clothes on the floor. "Bri – er, B? What are you…?" she asked as Brittany stood up, turning to face her.

"Alright, San, you next!" the blonde chirped happily, sliding her hands under the hem of Santana's shirt, pushing the fabric up. Shivering as her palms slid up her body, arousal spiking through her, Santana raised her arms to help Brittany remove the article of clothing without thinking about it. Her bra soon followed, and when the blonde stepped forward to start on her jeans, Santana tugged her head down to kiss her.

As their mouths opened and tongues twined together, Santana's remaining clothing was removed as she roughly stripped Brittany in return. Skin slid against skin, hands groped and stroked, and Santana lost herself in the world of lady lovin' again.

But Brittany moved back before Santana wanted her to. Giggling at her cross expression, the blonde kissed her briefly, then turned around.

Blinking to disperse the cloud of lust that surrounded her, Santana suddenly remembered where she was… And more importantly, _who _was with her and Brittany. She watched slack jawed when Brittany unabashedly wrapped her arms around Rachel's bare waist and hauled her up against her.

"Okay, Rache, just a little step. You can do it."

"Brittany, you're being too_ nice_ to _me_…" Muttering, and on shaky legs, the very attractive naked body of Rachel was soon leaning against the very attractive naked body of Brittany and standing in the shower. Warm water rained down upon the two girls, soaking them. Almost as one, they both looked over at Santana.

Santana stared, swallowed, said a silent prayer, and stepped into the shower, closing the door behind her.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Alright, here's the next chapter of Blame It on the Alcohol (and here is where I say that I honestly hadn't noticed that the name of the episode I was watching that inspired this fic was, in fact, named Blame It on the Alcohol - I'm serious!). I'm sorry for the delay, but I realized that not only had I never written a threesome before, but I hadn't also realized that writing a threesome with three people of the same gender would be so _hard_. Actually, I'm in the middle of writing a 'practice' threesome first, in preparation for this story. For serious.

* * *

Santana was in a living hell.

After closing the shower door, she'd expected something to happen. Brittany and Rachel starting to make out, maybe, then grabbing Santana to join in. Or Santana and Brittany _gettin' it_ _on _while Rachel watched. Hell, she'd even entertained the thought that she and Brittany would double team Rachel – make her the filling in a Cheerio sandwich.

But no. None of that. Brittany's hands hadn't even gone _near _Santana, and that was _unheard _of whenever you got the blonde into a shower. So here she was, dying of horniness, all kinds of aching and bothered, soaked (literally and sexually), and surrounded by two hot, hot, _unbearably _hot naked bodies, one of those bodies cuddled up to her, the girl almost _purring _against her breasts… And she couldn't even cop a feel.

Brittany smiled at her as she washed Rachel's hair, the floral scent of the shampoo wafting through and tickling Santana's nose. Her arms loosely wrapped around Santana's neck, forehead dropped against Santana's breastbone, humming aimlessly, and Rachel was dead to the world. Not only were her breasts pushed up under Santana's, _incredibly _distracting, but Santana could also feel intriguingly soft skin under her fingers, the water and shampoo suds _just _slippery enough that if she didn't pay attention her hands would slide down from Rachel's waist to her hips, and from there...

But no. _Again_. Santana gritted her teeth and dropped her head back, out of the shower spray. _Fuck_. Goddamn Brittany and her sweet smile. That smile was the ultimate cockblock. Unless she did something to rev up the blonde's libido, she knew Brittany'd get upset if her hands started wandering. For being such a sexual girl, she also had amazing blinders. Santana had to wonder if Brittany had had any sexy fun time intentions at all, and that if Santana hadn't kissed her, there would have been none to be find.

…Oh hell no! Santana was horny – terribly, terribly horny – and she was going to do something about it! This situation was not one she would normally find herself in (she had already firmly decided that anything that happened that evening was going to be blamed on the alcohol [ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-alcohol, her mind hummed automatically]), and she was going to take advantage of it, dammit! Lowering her chin a little and shifting it to the side, she glanced down at the glimpses of Rachel's cleavage she could see.

_Damn_. For being such an annoying shrew, Rachel had a drool worthy body. Who knew?

Brittany whacked her on the shoulder.

"Ow! Fuck, Britt!" Eyes widening, Santana looked up and glared at the disapproving expression on Brittany's face.

"That's for later, S." Staring back at Santana, Brittany shifted her attention to Rachel, who had lifted her head at the commotion. "Hey, Rache, how ya feeling?" she smiled, hugging around Rachel's waist so her arms pressed against Santana's stomach; Santana locked her jaw at the sensation.

Relaxing back into Brittany, Rachel smiled dreamily, "You guys are too nice. You guys _feel _nice. Did you guys know you felt so nice?"

"Aww, thank you, Rachel." Giggling, Brittany tightened her arms, pulling Rachel back farther.

Santana groaned. With Rachel's arms still loosely around Santana and Brittany's grip making the brunette lean back, Rachel's hip bone was pressing _right against _the one place that needed attention _immediately_.

"In fact," Rachel continued, "The level of comfort and warmth coming from you two has made me realize women are just as available as men. To me. _For _me. As the daughter of two gay men, you'd think I'd have come to this before, but I… I think I was… You know. Blind." For some reason, that made the small girl dissolve into giggles.

Santana growled, pushing Rachel back into Brittany, not caring if they fell or whatever. "I almost prefer the crying," she snapped, shouldering her way under the shower completely, turning her back to the other girls. Trying to cool her libido by readying her hair for washing, Santana barely paid attention to the sound of Brittany murmuring something to Rachel and then opening and closing the shower door. The warm water was doing nothing to help, as it seemed to be only heightening the heat that had been building steadily in her; Rachel's laughing body vibrating against her had only made things worse. Fuck fuck _fuck_! Goddamn Rachel Berry and goddamn Brittany! Arousing her than doing nothin' about it? That shit ain't cool!

A small hand trailed up and around the bicep of her right arm, suddenly digging into the top of her shoulder when Rachel lost her balance. Not wanting to be dragged down with her, Santana spun quickly, but, forgetting her own inebriated state, ended up having to grab onto Rachel to keep _her_ balance. Somehow, they ended up catching each other, Santana's arm barely brushing against the shower wall. Which was good, because Santana didn't fancy falling down.

"Jesus!" she yelled out, glaring down at Rachel, having to blink against the water that flowed over her head and down her face, finally shuffling the two of them so the spray thundered against her back instead, "Watch it, Man Hands! Are you _tryin_' to kill me?"

Rachel stared up at her with wide eyes, her lips parted in what was probably surprise. Noticing that color had risen on her cheeks, Santana frowned and shook the other girl a little. "Yo, you alright?" she asked, "You not gonna throw up on me, are ya?" That would be _disgusting_, no matter they were already in a shower or not.

Rachel tensed, and Santana realized that maybe shaking her hadn't been such a good idea. Getting ready to jump away if the other girl showed any signs of vomiting, Santana suddenly found Rachel's mouth pushing up against hers. An insistent hand had pulled her head down by pushing down on the back of her neck, and Rachel's other hand curled around her waist, trying to pull her in tighter.

Surprised for all of five seconds, Santana crushed their mouths together, forcing her tongue in between Rachel's lips. The pulsing that had been beating in the background for far too long flared into life, and she moaned hungrily, biting down onto a plump lip when Rachel opened her mouth in a breathy gasp.

Rachel's body tensed and contracted against hers, almost vibrating, so wet and warm and slick that Santana couldn't help running her hands up and down her back and hips, filling her hands with the feeling of her. She may have never thought of the annoying diva in sexual ways before, but _damn_. She felt _incredible _against her.

Their breaths were ragged as their lips slid against each other, and they were starting to pant with the humid air inside the shower, neither of them willing to stop kissing each other to ease the pressure. Rachel's chest was heaving against hers, her nipples hard and brushing against her, and one part of Santana's brain wondered what one of them would taste and feel like in her mouth. She hoped she got the chance to find out.

Rachel must have suddenly had a moment of clear thought, because she pulled back, her hand sliding down Santana's neck to push against her breastbone when Santana tried to swoop down and recapture her lips. "No, no, wait," she gasped, licking her lips and staring up at Santana with dark, lidded eyes, "W-What's going on here?"

Santana licked her own lips, staring hungrily down at Rachel's kiss swollen mouth. She _needed _to feel them under her again. She'd barely gotten Rachel's tongue, and that was not cool. For having three douches of ex-boyfriends, the girl _knew _how to kiss. "We're gettin' it on," she mumbled, trying to pull Rachel forward by her hips, "Duh. Now, come back here."

"No – _ah_!"

Utilizing one of her special skills, Santana had swooped down and attached her mouth to Rachel's neck, feeling her gasp pulse through her. _Fuck_, who knew Rachel could turn her on so damn much?

Rachel's fingernails dug into her arms, the shock making Santana bite down a bit harder than she initially meant to. However, the deep moan that left the girl's mouth told Santana it was okay to do it again; so she did.

Mmm… Rachel's skin tasted of water, slight chemical residue from the shampoo Brittany had used before, and something underneath all that that must be the girl herself. Sucking harshly, she hoped she left noticeable marks.

When Rachel shivered, Santana figured it was just due to her tongue and teeth, but another shiver quickly racked through the smaller girl's body. Frowning, Santana pulled back, her core pulsing when she saw the pure lust shining on Rachel's face. She almost leaned down and went back to her ministrations when the girl shivered again.

Oh. Right. Having not been under the shower spray in a while, Rachel was probably getting a bit cold. Tightening her hold on Rachel's hips, Santana almost manhandled – hobbithandled, her brain snickered – her to where Santana had been, switching places with her. Shaking her head to get her hair out of her face, she smirked widely when Rachel almost immediately pulled her back against her so the both of them were now under the water's spray. From personal experience, Santana knew that could be highly erotic if handled correctly and no one suffocated.

Water ran down the tops of their bodies, and – _fuck_! While Santana kissed and nipped at her lips again, hands roaming up and down her back so she didn't push too fast and make Rachel slap her, Rachel had no such compunction; Santana had to wrench her mouth away to let out a loud moan when curious hands suddenly cupped her breasts, fingers fanning out to get a feel for her.

_Jesus_. The ache between Santana's legs doubled. Her breasts had always been one of her most erogenous zones, and Rachel seemed intent on making her come by just touching her there. "You sure you've never done this before?" she panted, dropping her head to Rachel's shoulder, gasping and twitching at each new touch. Sure, alcohol always made her a bit more responsive, too, but _damn_.

Rachel giggled, pressing a quick kiss onto Santana's neck, a curious tongue coming out to swipe against her skin. "Well, you're just like me, aren't you? Just bigger. You probably like the same things I do. Can you breathe?"

What the hell? Blinking at the non sequitur, water suddenly ran into her mouth as she stopped paying attention to the shower. Gah! Spitting the water out, Santana shook her head and pulled back, glaring at Rachel, who was smirking at her. Aw, hell no!

Wrapping an arm around Rachel's shoulders and another around her waist, Santana hauled the girl closer to her, locking their bodies together. Purring at the feeling of soft skin and a warm and wet body pressing fully against her, Santana had to lock her muscles so she didn't start thrusting herself against Rachel.

The both of them blinking because of the shower spray, Rachel's darkened gaze still bore into hers, their desperate breaths mingling. A heartbeat was pounding against Santana's breast, the girl in her arms trembling. This was it.

Swallowing, Santana dipped her head. Her lips brushed once, twice, then a third time against Rachel's. On the fourth pass, Rachel's mouth fell open, and their tongues twined. Suddenly, her arms met the tiles of the shower wall, and she realized that either Rachel had drawn her back or she had pushed Rachel back; whichever, she pressed her naked body solidly into Rachel's, the other girl arching her back in response.

_Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck_.

Without a doubt, Santana knew she was about to have sex with Rachel Berry.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Hi everyone! Long time no see, huh? Well, this is a short chapter, but it's to let you guys know I'm still writing this story, and, well, it's a logical ending for the chapter anyway. Also, yes, this story will have Berrittana sex. I know some of you were wondering.

This chapter is definitely rated M.

* * *

God. Damn. Rachel Berry was mewling against her neck, her nails biting into her sides. Shuddering, Santana dragged her hand down, feeling the slick of the water turn into something else.

"Oh, oh, oh god, Santana," Rachel whimpered, bucking into her hand, throwing her head back against the shower wall. So hot she almost burned Santana's palm, Santana desperately wanted to taste her. Using her other hand to roll across a pert nipple, causing Rachel to arch and gasp again, she pulled dripping fingers up to take an exploratory lick.

She almost moaned at the taste. "Hells yeah," she flicked her eyes up to meet Rachel's dark and widening gaze, "I's gots to get me some from the source." Then, giving the girl a smoldering lick of her lips, she dropped to her knees. As the shower pounded down onto her head, she shoved her soaked locks behind her back.

Rachel trembled before her. Swollen and glistening with her excitement, Santana had to bite her lip to stop herself from drooling. Fuck, fucking fuck. Only Brittany had ever looked so mouth-watering. Feeling dim pride that all of it was caused by _her_, Santana decided she was going to _devour _the smaller girl.

So in the small pocket of steamy air that made her feel light headed and her heart pound in her chest, hot water kissing her back and legs, and with the hesitant settling of nervous hands on her head, Santana gave up the last of her fucking ass pussy reluctance as the hot musky scent of Rachel drew her closer. Using her thumb and spreading fingers to help open her, Santana took a long, languid lick, her tongue adding extra pressure against a pulsing clit.

"San, what are – _ohh. Uhnnn… San_!"

Rachel actually fucking became weak kneed. Like, for real. Pulling back a little, letting Rachel's taste spread through her mouth, Santana wrapped her hand around a sexy, tan thigh. "Lift," she started pushing up, "Use the damn wall and wrap your leg around me."

"But…" Rachel panted, shifting on her feet, dark eyes staring down at her.

"What?" she growled, "Too much _talking_." She wanted to gets her berry picking on! (_Berry picking_, Santana snickered somewhere far away in her mind.) Leaning back in, she curled her tongue around Rachel's clit, using the resulting tremor and weakness to slide in under her leg. Feeling the weight settle on her shoulder, she smirked proudly. Fuck yes. More space, better access – she was going to fucking _blow_ the dwarf's _mind_.

A small hand clutched at her head, pulling at her hair, the undulating of Rachel's hips putting pressure on Santana's knees and ankles. Each gasp and moan she drew out of her made Santana's core pulse. Ahh, fucking hell. She should have done this _ages _ago.

When gasps and pants started getting louder than the pounding of the water, the throbbing of Rachel against her getting more desperate, and the taste of her growing richer, Santana hummed. Rachel bucked, squealed, and that was it. Sliding a hand around her upper thighs to help hold the trembling girl up, Santana eagerly dove down to sheath her tongue deeply inside her to ride it out. Using a thumb to press against her clit, she wasn't quite prepared for the smaller girl to grab her head and yank her closer, her leg snapping tight to pull her in. A deep moan left Rachel's throat, her body trembled, and Santana found herself helping to draw the girl down to rest against the wall and floor in an awkward shuffle backwards that shouldn't have worked. "Jesus," she laughed, barely paying attention to the pressure that had been put on her knees, the shower beating down on her again as she leaned over the softly gasping girl, "I've _finally _fucking got you to shut up!"

Rachel's lips twitched, and she opened incredibly dark eyes to give Santana a look she couldn't read. Lifting an arm, she wrapped a hand around Santana's upper arm, tugging her down. "San…" she whispered huskily, barely hearable over the shower, "If that's how you want to keep me from talking in the future, I don't think I…" She licked her lips and propped herself up on an elbow, sliding her arm around Santana's neck, "I certainly won't mind."

Smirking proudly – because fuck yeah, that would be _so _fuckin' handy – Santana moaned when inquisitive teeth started nipping against hers. Pushing Rachel back against the floor, Santana realized with what was almost surprise that she wasn't done with the smaller girl. Normally when she had someone new, she got them off, they got her off, and that was it. But no, Santana could clearly feel the tremble that ran through Rachel's body as the cool tile met her back as Santana slid over her body, she wanted to hear Rachel moan again.

Just as she was settling her pelvis securely against Rachel's, enjoying her sharp intake of breath and fingernails digging into her back, the shower door opened. Lifting her head, she didn't even bother to look contrite when Brittany's wide, open mouthed gaze met hers.


End file.
